Tuesday, May 04, 2010

Back to black

I don't even know what that means, back to black. I should probably properly listen to the songs...

I am back in Haiti. Went home to NYC for R&R for about five days and it was awesome. Great weather and just good to hang out at home. Very important.

The day I got back, we had an aftershock. Which wasn't fun especially since I have been waking up every night thinking there was an aftershock...I didn't last night. I just recalled that I only just got back yesterday at mid day. I feel like I have been back for a week already. WHOOPS. The next 22 days are going to be interesting to get through.

Anyhow, I was talking about aftershocks. So we had one, and then 20 minutes later, I was CONVINCED, totally CONVINCED that we just had another one. Smaller than the first one, but I SWEAR I felt the desk move the same one.

I imagined it.

I think that's another whoops.

Let's hope I don't wake up tonight thinking the earth just moved. I don't want to feel that way. Or think that I have some sort of PTSD. That would suck. It would suck for the sake of sucking but also, HOW LAME that aftershocks and not even a real earthquake are giving me PTSD. That really is lame.

I went to the field today. We gave out money, finally today. Went out to do monitoring and it was sooooooooooooo good to work with the guys that I work with. I have this style of hanging back and just watching and letting them learn on the job. It's how I learned. If something is going TOTALLY wrong, yes, I will step in and take charge, but if it's not then let people discover their own rhythm and what works for them and how to make things happen. Everyone is clear on our end result. We all have different ways to get there, but get there we will!

I didn't have a camera. I don't like taking them to the field. I don't like taking photos of people. I probably should but it feels wrong. I have always had an issue about that. Objectifying people. I know it's worth a thousand words, but I'm a better writer than a photographer. That's my excuse. Truthfully, it makes me feel icky. The time it does not, is when I have spent time in a community and they feel comfy with me and vice versa. Then it's ok. Then I don't feel like I am imposing or being rude or just...nasty.

There is so much potential coing out of what we found out today and I do wonder if anything will be done with this or not at all. I have no idea how any of it will play out but I guess we wait and see.

I am getting tired of the wait and see attitude by the way. It's an excuse to me now. An excuse of being afraid to do anything and somehow thinking that saying wait and see and sounding prudent is fine somehow. It's not. Not anymore.

It's inexcusable.

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