Thursday, July 05, 2007


A reader left a comment on my Bollywood post and shared her very funny piece, (thanks for the link SH) and she quotes the following line in her writing:

As Carrie declares in the last episode of “Sex and the City”: "I’m looking for ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can’t-live-without-each-other love."

I do need to write about LOVE and I don't know if I am going to do this now. I think I am. But it might be a topic I keep coming back to. Not just LOVE but dating, relationships etc etc.

I guess what I want to say for now, and no disrespect to all the ladies and gents out there who are totally into and believe in the Carrie statement above, (I share genes with people who believe in it), but I cannot imagine LOVE being that suffocating. I had thought at one point that that is what I wanted but now, if a boy calls or texts too much, I really can't deal. I want to ask, don't you have a life outside of me? Please tell me you do, since I do and I want to get on with it, thanks very much. The whole consuming bit....there is SO much in the world to be consumed by, why limit it to ONE thing?

I always hesitate to write about LOVE etc since I think I end up sounding like a bitter, dejected person. I'm not. I believe I have an amazing capacity for love, actually. (ha ha). I think I am too free with my love, in fact. I think, perhaps, that people want LOVE to be just for one person. I find that limiting.

Someday, I will get to the post on sex.

I thought about this lots in bits and pieces, digestible bites, this past year in London. It was the first time I was single for the amount of time that I was...(a year and counting...) and I never used to be the kind of person who was OK with that. And in London, DUDE, British PEOPLE, get another past time other than trying to hook your friends up with other people. Jeena haram kardiya tha (you make living, haram). So many conversations I was a part of would come down to, Zehra, why aren't you dating, snogging, sleeping with someone when you are a great woman? Yeah, ok, thanks. I know I'm just fine and DO NOT sigh and tell me when the time is right it will happen. Do I really look like I give a shit right now?

I don't blame any individual or individual conversations I had but it was remarkable in London how much people DID talk about it. Perhaps it was rose colored glasses, but I could not recall feeling that way in NYC. And in fact, any time I have visited home (which I did a lot this past 9 months and have now spent 6 weeks at home), not once has anyone asked if I am seeing conversation has centered around the topic. Not around the topic of single (but weirdly enough, happy(!!) Zehra or any of my friends or even randoms I meet. They don't seem to care about it and we talk of other things instead. my needing to reconcile my work in development and feeling like a neo colonialist and being south asian. Now THAT is something I do struggle with and can talk about ad nauseum. My other topic these past six weeks has been the S. Asian diaspora and feeling like we should have moved beyond some things and we seem to be stuck. This is in the context of art and writing and it started with every non S. Asian person I would meet asking me if I had seen The Namesake. That is another post all together. And no, I haven't seen it. And no, I don't know if I will. I probably will. I should. Jhumpa is a post waiting to happen for me.

Enough for now. Will revisit at a later date.

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