Sunday, June 04, 2006

Why can't I be a flapper?

1: I don't have flapper hair. I have a fro that needs attention if cut short and I am not a patient person and don't like to pay attention.
2: I am not tall
3: I don't know what absynth is and I don't want to try it. It sounds like opium.
4: It's not realistic unless, like some Pakistani's recently said to me when I told them I would have loved to have lived in the 20's since they said I had a classic 20's look about me that even though I would have had to be a slave girl since I'm brown, they said, no, you could have been a spy like Mata Hari since that is what educated women from the east did back in the day. I am not good spy material or educated or from the east at this point so, I would have been a slave girl and that is a far cry from being a flapper. Unless the fates smiled on me and I became the slave girl cum flapper overnight sensation but you know everyone would whisper behind my back, there goes the slave girl cum flapper overnight sensation and I would have to work really hard to keep myself new and innovative (and immune to the malicious, jealous gossip) just so as not to be a fad and to be a real and true flapper. That really just sounds like too much effort.
5: I am not lithe
6: I would punch Zelda Fitzgerald if I met her and that would effectively end my flapper days since I would be excommunicated from the cool scene. Maybe I could do the Paris scene instead of the NYC one.
7: I am not a fluent french speaker.
8: According to EHB, the french use less soap per capita than any other country. I like being clean. I like soap.
9: My ass is too big (which I like)
10: I am trying to quit smoking
11: I would want to be the coolest flapper in town and unless that town is Ampara circa Dec 2004 to Dec 2005, I wouldn't be witty enough and therefore would pretend that flappers suck and goth moodiness is in.
12: I would look scary in red red lipstick and white white face powder. I don't know how to apply serious makeup either which is somewhat problematic.
13: I don't wear heels
14: I like dancing to bollywood and hip hop. The flapper dance is cute but a little bit funny for me.
15: No indoor plumbing or electric toothbrushes in the 1920's. That is problematic.

I still wished I lived in Paris in the twenties. I would be the exotic friend of everyone. I would totally play it up as well....for those who know me, and know how I play it up already, imagine me embodying exotic. Coco would have named a perfume after me. Zehra No. 5.

Like Johnny No. 5. He was alive.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

This entry is a lot more funny if you don't know what a flapper is, and so you just assume it is the same thing as a slapper because it sounds the same.. especially point 4 where you say,
"... I became the slave girl cum flapper overnight sensation but you know everyone would whisper behind my back, there goes the slave girl cum flapper overnight sensation and I would have to work really hard to keep myself new and innovative (and immune to the malicious, jealous gossip) just so as not to be a fad and to be a real and true flapper"

Byron.

Billy said...

He's got a point Z.

EHB is right about these soapy things

Australians believe the British don't wash too e.g. Where does an Englishman keep his wallet?

Under the soap.

You're confused about who you are, why be a flapper (slapper) when you can be you? Much more elegant and amusing, no?