Saturday, May 27, 2006


I am restless. This was supposed to take longer...the restlessness to set in but no, not even two weeks home, and I am itching to be doing something. This might just be me being out of cigarettes and in NJ in a jungle where nothing resembling a corner store is in a ten mile radius or I may really be feeling restless.
Funny, but I am feeling hot as well. It is a different hot from SL. This one is emanating from the inside. Not sure what that is about but perhaps it is time to get that physical I am supposed to get after my mission. Being lazy about that...and I know that is because I come from a family of doctors and feel like all it will take is to pick up a phone and I will be done. That isn't true, but that is how I feel.

I tell people in NYC about SL and one of the first questions they love to ask is how people like M.I.A. I love telling them that the Sri Lankan rebel pop star teeny bopper that they all love to love is unknown in SL. Yes, she is Sri Lankan and all her lyrics have to do about SL and yes, she has just been denied a visa to the US even though she is British, but no, people in SL don't know her. I even played her music for the people I knew in Ampara and Colombo and they were like, who is this? They didn't particularily like her either. But then again, they only heard her music and didn't see her cute, well clothed, well oiled body dancing away. They would like her if they did. For those who want to know more about her, hear her songs and look at two videos, one of which is her with other SL women who she doesn't really interact with as they do things Sri Lankan in bathing with elephants, playing with flowers, plaiting their hair and basically hanging out in the jungle (which as we all know is what women in Sri Lanka do on a daily basis), check out:

The video I am talking about is sun showers. It is a catchy tune. And I guess these are fighter women. Maybe it would help if I listened to the lyrics. I have a theory about why she is not interacting with the extra's in her video. Here goes: Her music is not "Sri Lankan", the influences are mainly dance hall and then hip hop and some dance. She was probably not hanging out with the other Sri Lankan kids she was growing up with and was forced to hang out with as we are in the South Asian diaspora. Even though she is using her tiger dad as a great media tool in selling her music, she may not really want to be seen as soley Sri Lankan and therefore, the other women in the video are making her uncomfortable and she doesn't really want to relate to them, since she really doesn't and ta da, there we go.

Why am I sitting at two thirty in the morning, dissecting some stupid music video. God. I am restless! I applied for a job, I hope I get it so that I can occupy my time. I am starting to go a little mad. This cannot be that I have forgotton how to relax. I used to be queen of not doing anything and now it terrifies me. I feel like I could have gotton SO much work in these two weeks and instead, I have done close to NOTHING. I did catch up on some sleep yesterday. That was nice. And important. I unpacked, not just from SL but stuff that came in from Houston. That too was a good thing. I wrote my end of mission report. I fixed my CV, applied for a job and went to the interview. I got my transcripts and took care of that bank shit I had to. I started my personal statement for the grad school application. I have my two recommendations secured. I bought my ticket to London. I have hung out with family. Ok, I guess I did get some stuff done.

I know what I can do...go to museums. I want to do that too. Whew. One day at a time.

Suggestions welcome. What should Zehra do with her free time till she hears back about this job....?

1 comment:

Emma said...

Hey Z,
god it feels like an age. I miss you. Restlessness already does not sound so odd gorgeous thing! Museums. Art. People watch. Dude you are in fukin NEW YORK CITY!

Doesn't it feel like the strangest thing going through these defined stages of an "adjustment" or "transition". It's irritating that millions of people know exactly what you are going through and have experienced it exactly the same before. and yet u can't break it. what's more is that you are fully aware of what the next phase will be. Despite your awareness one morning you'll wake up and it will hit you. and there's nothing you can do except well go through it.

I think you are just splendid and wonderful and i'd very much like to set up a phone call.