Thursday, February 23, 2006

Happy Birthday to me

too roo roo roo roo roo...

So, yeah, here I am 15 minutes before midnight sitting by myself waiting to turn 28. Exciting, isn't it?

I'm tired in general but most tired of the fact that my body WON'T stop hurting. It really is exhausting to be in pain all my waking and most of my sleeping hours. I'm grumpy and don't like people right now but can't really disappear either since I have work to do...which I want to do.

So, I just get over it.

It is all about perspective. That is what I tell myself over and over again.

It is it is it is it.

I'm going to get into bed since I spent 14 hours in the field today which means in a car on bad roads (had a good lunch and good company) and call my parents at midnight to have them wish me. And to thank them for giving birth to me and making me who I am.

I like who I am.
There's my silver lining :)
There always is one.

Sunday, February 19, 2006

The distribution


WE had the distribution today. At the sea side. It was lovely. I am exhausted. The roads were bad getting there and hurt me but overall, it was lovely, well attended etc. Good photos which is what my job comes down to sometimes even though i try and ignore that as much as I possible can. I would say in the 9 months I have been working, I have avoided the photo thing but I need to show the donors something, so tada, I have photos now. Thanks to Kerstin for handling the camera since I had to be running around.

This is how we had to transport the boats to the coast all the way from Colombo.


Me trying to be bossy in the beginning...which isn't too hard.

Saturday, February 18, 2006

My future wife...


I don't have pictures of Zophia up on this site and I see her all the time. She is one of the most gorgeous women in Ampara and I should have more photos of her on here. Here she is talking with Johan at one of our recent parties. I am going to marry her which is another reason why I should have more photos of her up. We keep our relationship on the DL. She is going to make apple pie or crumble or something for my birthday dinner which is coming up soon. Yay!

Friday, February 17, 2006

fishy fish


Here I am doing my FIRST distribution to the fishermen here in Ampara. The guy standing next to me on the right hand side is the Field Officer that I have worked with the longest and is my favorite, probabaly since we have worked very closely together these past 9 months and he knows what I mean when I talk. His name is Suthan and the boy is smart as hell and I can totally trust him to get what I need done, done. The big ceremony handing over the boats will be on Sunday so more photos coming soon!


Another cool photo since the beneficiaries helped unload the boats. I had to ask them to do so since we were on a time schedule and they were content letting two malnourished boys do it while they smoked, chatted with me and Cristhian and stood in the shade. If my ribs werent broken I would have gone there and started unloading myself but since carrying the king coconut I was given to drink was heavy enough and made me hurt, I decided against it. That is usually what I do....if you want something done, do it yourself and shame people into doing it themselves. Has worked so far especially since I work mostly with men and for them a brown small girl working is an affront to their manhood. As long as it gets done, I don't care how I gots to do it. It's also the if I can do it, you can fucking bloody well do it too.

Sunday, February 12, 2006

recovery 2


This photo is going up so that everyone back home can see that I can actually stand and look normal. So, I am fine. Yay.

recovery


So this weekend, we had Gerhard's 40th BDay party at our place. Photo of me and Clody. The cool thing about the party was that I was feeling mobile, somewhat so that was good and also, it marked one year that I have been in the country. I arrived in SL on the 11th of Feb 2005. Who knew back then that I would still be here.

I am.

Counting down the weeks though till I get home. Miss everyone tremendously. Esp these last few weeks.

car crashes


This photo is going up since as human beings we hate seeing awful things but are compelled at the same time. This is the bruise the day after it showed up. I was thankful it showed up since it was and is the only tangible indication that something happened. It also indicated a comforting reminder of the passage of time which is what this whole thing is going to be about. What you can't see in this picture is the weird identation that is there. Part of this bruise just goes in and stays there. It's very strange. I am hoping that it will go away one day. I now wish that since I did have my camera on my when I fell that before I got up I made Patrick take a photo. I know it sounds kind of sick, but still. I can't recall much of it now and it gets hazier everyday, but perhaps that is a good thing.

bed ridden me




Second photo is a sad photo that Vero took of me. It is the morning after photo. I was immobile and in bed obviously, the left side of my face swollen, twigs and crap still in my hair and possibly, probably, still in some state of shock. Well, looking at the maniacal look on my face, definitely some sort of shock. Nice of Vero to grab my camera and take a nasty picture of me for posterity's sake. We were waiting for the doctor to show up and examine me. Speaking of which, he was crazy. When I did make it to the hospital three days later and he called to see how I was and I told him I had fractures, he claimed it was impossible since his clinical examination of my did not reveal this. Fuck the x-ray's that claim otherwise, according to him I should have been yelping with pain if I had fractures. When he began to examine me, I did tell him I have a high level of pain tolerance but I guess since I am a woman and brown at that, he didn't believe me. He annoyed me not just for this raeson but his wanting to massage me all the time. Naked. He would let his hand rest of the side of my brest and not fondle me but not be professional about it either. His comments to me weren't that wonderful either but I no longer have to deal with him and I was too tired and in too much pain to deal with him at the moment, so that is that.

week two



Now that I am on week two of my recovery and I can move more and have more energy since oxygen is getting to my brain and body since I can breth properly again, thought I would update my blog with photos from the last two weeks or so.

Going to Colombo was quite the adventure. It ended up that there was six of us in the car with tons of luggage. Three french people of course made the journey more complicated than it should have been (according to the German, Gerhard and the American, me) but it was fun nonetheless.

This first photo is of me and Vero with Johan in the background.
These were the happy days when I was a healthy young woman with full body movement even though I was in a moving vehicle which normally makes me sick.

I should stop complaining since really, I have been lucky and everyday I do feel better. It does not help that I have a cold now which means I am coughing and sneezing which is painful as all hell. I am afraid to get to the point, which will happen, that my recovery will plateau and I will just feel half OK for a week or two before something kicks back into place to feel normal again. My muscles are all still cramped up and that is going to be the pain that is going to stay with me for a while.

Sadly, the internet and blog site are being bad and won't let me paste several pictures at one time so I will have to do this one by one....again.

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

good ole ampara

I am feeling tons better now that I am back in Ampara. I hated Ampara the first couple of months I spent here. It took me some time to get used to it and be ok with it and man, it totally feels like home now. The last ten days in Colombo, a city I normally like to go and chill out in, were a nightmare. I was bed ridden for most of it, aching for all of it, depressed and lonely and pretending I wasn't for the rest of my waking and sleeping moments. I got really tired of being a brave, independent woman and wanted my mummy or appie to come and take care of me. Didn't happen. I got over it.

It's movie night tonight but it is raining outside and I did survive an eight hour car ride, so perhaps that is my excitement for the day.

I cannot tell you how good it felt to walk into the Ampara office and get to work immediately. Work has an adrenaline rush to it that is pretty incredible. I hope it stays for a while.

I cannot believe that big Brooklyn city girl is so happy and really in a giddy mood to be back in Ampara. As I was talking to Emma and By about it, it is not so much the place, the people, the group that I have over here that makes all the difference. Big shout out therefore, to the Ampara crew. You guys rock. And even though I have yet to see any of you, it makes me happy to know that we are all within in a 2 kilometer radius of each other and since we have no other forms of entertainment but ourselves, I will see you soon.

It hurts to cough and that is annoying. I keep stifling sneezes since I may pass out if I sneeze.

Will try to get more photos on this soon.

Saturday, February 04, 2006

why it got to hurt?

So yeah, it was more than 9 feet. More like 15 feet. Well, this is according to Patrick, my witness, who went back and saw the tree. I also did eventually make it to the doctors office and I have five fractured ribs. Not much you can do about it but just grit your teeth and get through it...which is what I am doing. I am so not a bed rest person and in fact, it is driving me crazy to be grounded like this.

I feel better everyday. It's slow but at least it is something if I can move an inch more everyday and I am happy about that. The first bruise has shown up (I may just have this one bruise...cannot imagine that others will show up so much later now but if they do, man, it will be intense)...so the first bruise. Impressive looking. It's in the yellow purple stage right now and it going to ripen into a nice black and blue it seems. Contrary to popular belief...or Bill's belief I should say, brown girls have bruises that can be seen.

I have had this post started for the last several days and have just not posted it. will do so now and write more later.