Wednesday, January 11, 2006

perfect new york nights

im in sri lanka and it is the rainy season (we've been waiting since december and thought or i thought, ok that wasnt so bad, it was all hype, but it isnt), anyhow, the weather is cold for me but this would have been the perfect temp for a balmy NYC summer night. except its the monsoon in ampara, sri lanka and its not like there are outdoor bars to go sit at and drink margaritas and watch all the beautiful people walk by or watch a movie in fort greene park in brooklyn or walk over the manhattan bridge at dusk and end up on canal street where you keep walking to nolita and have some corona and grilled corn at cafe havana on mulberry street. instead i am sitting and smoking and blogging.

im not complaining because now when i go back to NYC, i dont have to wait for the evening to do all these things since i dont have a job and can do it all day while everyone else is at work.

who am i kidding? i used to do it even when i did have a job in NYC. i would just take the afternoon off and walk to noho and marvel at the great number of people who seem to be unemployed, young, beautiful, carefree and rich (they all had cute lower east side or nolita boutique shopping bags). who are those people? they all look like the belong or have walked off the set of a lenny kravitz's music video.

i do miss these things but last time i was in NYC, it was pretty disastorous. people wanted to talk to me about sri lanka and they kept saying, they need more moeny, those poor people out there and i wanted to yell and scream and shout from the top of my table, NO. stop sending money to tsunami victims, stop stop stop! send it eleswhere in the world where they actually need it. everyone in NYC wants to be aware and on top of complicated world situations and i was no different when i lived there. it's easy to do it over a some dirty martinis and tapas at the cool new neighbourhood bar that just opened up. it's fun to do it.
will i ever be able to go back to that again?

i moved to NYC for those reasons. i wanted to be self aware and more aware of the world around me. it is a good place for that to a large degree. it is easy to get caught up in it and to not realize there is the world out there to see that one keeps talking about from the bar stool.

i love to tell people, i was raised in NJ but i grew up in NYC. it's true. it kicked me around but gently.

i have yet to figure out what this experience in SL is doing to me. need the distance.

i had a lovely evening with friends. Chris and Jessica invited a bunch of us over for a pasta dinner and in the land of rice and curry, it is a treat. i spent the first half of the evening talking shop (as Ronan called it) with Emma. We are trying to figure out the livelihood situation in ampara and i liked doing it. i used to never sit and passionately discuss my work but i was and i liked it. i love it.

perhaps that is why i deal with the mosquitoes that are currently biting the shit out of me and feel like pasta is a treat. from what i am feeling right now, it is a treat. sri lanka is not the place for a person on the atkins diet by the way. carbohydrate heaven. good for runners.

will i be sitting blogging two years from now pooh pooing myself from jan 2006?

im impatient to know what happens at the end of the journey...yeah yeah, the whole journey thing is important but still...what's at the end? it's not death. that's part of the whole journey thing.

i see it as a set of little journeys anyhow and i am impatient and what i have to do is be better about the thinking process. i like to hurry it along and that is probably not a good idea.

anyone got comments on the thinking process? do you ever follow thoughts through to their entirety? how do you know you are there?

i could never be like rousseau.

posting a photo of my two favorite french people, Johan and Vero. they keep me calm and balanced. i dont think they know that they do.

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