Wednesday, January 18, 2006

jan 18th 2006


that is how i usually start my journal entries. i should just call it a diary since that is what it is when and when we get older we feel like we have to call it a journal since somehow the thoughts are more important and thus deserve a more matoooor sounding word. i think i was 15 when i stopped writing, dear diary....

anyhow, i do still keep a 'journal'. running and writing are two ways for me to manage my stress, both of which i had substitued with sex and alcohol and then realized, that was a bad idea. sex and alcohol are still my friends though. well, sex...u know what, never mind. not a discussion for now. or ever. well, never say never. i didnt, i said ever, but don't go get all technical with me.

so...the photo. Emma and Byron. Byron is still new so i am holding out on judgement. ha ha. kidding, he is lovely and was lucky that we all love his girlfriend already and so didnt put him through the ampara hazing process. Emma is a sweetheart and in fact was just over for dinner and it was lovely to just cook together, smoke together, and watch TV and talk. the house was empty which when you share with your colleagues as i do, is nice on some nights.

i like living with people. used to live with 8 in a cooperative. in brooklyn. every tuesday night i had to cook for all 8 of us which actually, i do enjoy and other nights of the week, there was a nice dinner waiting for me when i got home. yay. that was really fun, living in the coop on 70 s. elliot, fort green, bklyn, ny. we had a house book in which the passive agressive amongst us would like to complain about stupid petty things (please stop leaving one bite of food in the containers in the fridge so that u dont have to wash them! or..well this other one im thinking about is funny but it was like five pages of the book and everyone got involved and half of us thought it was fun and games and the other half did not. it culminated into a house meeting which were definetely never fun). i almost made a film about us (how many, almost made a film stories do i have...? not as many as the other new yorkers that you may meet). after filming one house meeting and a monologue, i was done with that project. watching myself talk to the camera was just scary so i resolved to bury the film and never appear on film again. i never did bury it and have since then broken my resolve to never appear on tv.
maybe some day i will make a film. would rather not.

i feel like i fucked off today but really did get a lot of work done so i guess i should just chill out and be ok with the fact that i didnt go to the field because of the hartal and that there are things still unresolved but whatever is in my control, i have taken care of. the rest of it, i have to let go and realize that everyone is not me, and things take time and i just have to be patient. which i hate doing.

deep breaths, deep breaths.


ok trying to post more photos now. for appie.

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