Monday, January 16, 2006
it is indeed, another monday. i guess that makes it a week since i have been blogging. hurrah for that. everytime is say hurrah i feel like i should be in an english rose garden throwing my straw hat up in the air. i should also be blond and blue eyed with ruddy cheeks.
it's all the enid blyton i read in pakistan growing up.
The photo by the way, is of my very good friend saniya, in bombay. she was taking us to Chor Bazaar. this is her in her element. front seat, directing and simultaneously giving us a tour of the area, keeping track of the other taxi following us, looking good and yelling at our driver.
the political situation in the country does not seem to be getting better, but the only way i can tell is by reading the newspapers. where i live, in Ampara, we don't feel the rumblings that much anymore...or perhaps i have gotton used to them and it's normal. people are killed but our movements are no longer restricted so we just hope not to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. the more serious stuff is taking place north of me in Trinco and Jaffna. i guess we just wait and see and continue working. what else are you gonna do? it reminds me of being in karachi and yes, there were riots and one was never sure what the next day was going to bring but you didnt stop life and living and living with uncertainty becomes normal. i was not old or aware enough to see what is was doing to people around me, how they dealt with the stress. it felt normal at the time.
friends and family have been emailing me after reading my blog and i have been getting interesting comments on the blog. one said it was kinky that i was publishing my 'diary' for all to see, another said it was impersonal.
i really dont know how i see it. i do write free style and i enjoy that. i rarely, if ever, edit what i have written. i do love editing other peoples work though :) i do that alot in SL, as a 'native' speaker.
the end of the year bought on an exodus of many friends i had made here. damn them all for leaving me here. i find it incredibly rude and mean of them. that means you reza, sitting on a thai island somewhere, reading my blog. i never saw the movie the island, i think it was called, but i know bad things happened to people on a paradise thai island so watch your back, boy.
reza was cool. i guess is cool. i have a photo of him somewhere, will post it soon. most of our local colleagues love asking where we are from, and reza hated answering that question. ha ha. especially with a name like reza in a majority muslim area, he would have to inevitably answer the are u muslim question and it was always fun to hear the multitude of ways in which he tried to avoid that question.
i on the other hand have many lies all over the district as to what i am religion wise, country wise and civil status wise. it depends on who i am talking to. i can be a paksitani who prays ten times a day, and has 3 kids or be an immoral american sinner. everyone does think im married. that is important. that is always the first question. mostly i tell everyone im pakistani. it makes my work much easier. which is funny on so many different levels.
i feel lucky that i am able to use my identity so fluidly. i think sometimes it pisses people off. i am so many different 'things' though and the different sides of myself pop out of me in the weirdest scenarios and places that i just deal with it. so there isnt just a definitive Z, but different versions of her. i like that. it keeps me from being bored.
that's important. i hate being bored. i don't do it gracefully. i am actually appalling to be around when bored. or hungry.
hungry Z is a scary Z.